Making choices

I’ve only quit my job twice in my career. Once for a better title. Once for a better life. And it was equally hard both times.

The days leading up to it, I woke up with a heaviness in my chest and an controllable panic that I would make the wrong choice.

Everyone wanted to offer their opinion. There are well thought out pros and cons. And exactly that — there are always pros and cons in every choice, and it is impossible to know for sure how each will turn out.

To choose something means not choosing everything else. Saying yes to one thing is also saying no to a hundred other possibilities. Walking one path means closing the doors to so many others—lives that will never be lived, opportunities that will never be explored. And we make these choices without ever knowing for sure if we’ve picked the right one.

That’s why making choices can feel so darn hard.

Without even realizing it, we spend most of our lives making choices, big and small, monumental and trivial. Some we make with full awareness; others are so habitual they barely register. Some we agonize over; others we breeze through.

I’ve made choices that left me with a nagging sense of regret. I’ve made decisions that felt impossible at the time but eventually landed with such clarity, it was as if the truth settled in my chest and gave me peace. That’s when I know I’ve made the right choice—not because of some pros and cons list or anyone else’s advice, but because my body tells me it’s right. I’ve made snap decisions and stuck with them. I’ve also dragged my feet for weeks over the simplest things, putting off decisions more times than I care to admit.

In the end, it all comes down to this: Am I clear and at peace with how I’m making my decision, knowing I’ll never be certain it’s the “right” one? Can I choose to trust that whatever decision I make is the best I can do with what I know right now?

So that was what happened. One early morning, I was washing my face, hearing a bird chirping (I was living on the beach then — how fabulous. Even though at the time I was feeling so distracted with life I didn't notice how fabulous it all was), I looked up into the mirror and it suddenly became clear to me how I should make my decision. And instantly I knew what that decision would be.

Was it a better choice? I can't say for sure. It wasn't a smooth path, that much I knew. But I didn't have any regrets, because I was so at peace with how I made that decision, I was ready for the cons of it all.

At the heart of it, making choices is about trusting ourselves. Not trusting that we’ll always get it right, but trusting that we can handle whatever unfolds. And maybe most importantly, trusting that even if a choice turns out to be “wrong,” it might still be exactly what we need.